blog-viewers 'should know'

     hi. I'm feeling a wee bit sad and regretful. what I did is so wrong on so many levels. okay that sounds hyperbolic. although it doesn't directly involve other people, I still feel bad because it contains the sweetest memories I had with them - the people who're always kept in my heart. wa gitu.

     I updated all my social accounts recently including my Yahoo! and Google+ profiles, I changed all the passwords and made them tally with one another. now, as everyone knows, Blogger and YouTube networks are under the same account, that is, Google.

     I'm not that perfectionist, but I love to keep things clean. for example here is, I'd delete all unnecessary photos in my smartphone's, floppy disk's and online data storage's folders. the main reason why I do this is simply because I wanna save more space on these devices/services. also, to get rid of unimportant things in my head. to my great disappointment, I absent-mindedly removed all images permanently in my Google Photos folder which I thought had nothing to do with the images I put in my blog posts. I even wondered where did all those images came from because they were all in a mess, mixed up with some really, really old photos which I uploaded in earlier-deleted posts.

     currently, they're all gone. rest in peace, my dear memories. if u review my previous posts, u're only able to know my stories, not what it's like to be me. but never mind, it's just me though. not some huge rock star u'll ever know.

p/s : some images which are retrievable have been reuploaded, especially those which are illegally taken from Google etc.

all grown up

     I'm pretty much sure that I never posted anything about my schoolmates, I mean ex-schoolmates, except for once - that was before I went for the PLKN programme.

     it turned out that we guys had the chance to meet last Sunday. it wasn't a grand gathering or whatsoever, it was merely a simple meeting for grown ups called "the hang out". plus, there were only six of us (ancestors of 5Active family) out of 30 something total. so-called.

*some photos missing*

     we're still like those old good days. nothing has seem to change our attitudes, naughtiness and childishness. all maintained the same, excluding our current looks. for example here is, I'm getting hotter than ever. okay, that sucks. looks are obviously negligible, alright? sensitive issue.

     see that girl in black? that's Amira, our classmate. we managed to 'kidnap' her for a while into the nearest fitting room before we finally released and let her did her part-time job back. after we all felt happy and satisfied of teasing her, we rushed to watch Step-Up 5 : All In. rating for the movie? um, I guess 3/5 is enough.

     though the get-together was short, fun and all, I wish that we can meet up again like this some other time. even if we were given 25 hours per day, it just won't be enough to share all the stories we have.

     much love. thanks for the transportation and hospitality, guys.

second semester results

     Alhamdulillah. neither impressive nor disappointing. now I'm saying this due to a slight increase compared to last semester's results. in some ways, my performance is kinda inversely proportional to the credit hours. ya know, "the less are the credit hours, the better I do in exams" that sorta thing. sounds legit. yet still my results aren't that convincing. but hey, miracles happen. all I need is some more time to improve myself. guess I'm still in warming-up-the-engine phase.

     apparently this has only been my first year in UTeM and I got so much more to explore, to experience, to feel, before I ever graduate and live the life as an employee in some company that would probably hire me later in the future. wow, somebody's dreaming. there's something playing in my head, "do all freshmen are this playful? or is it just me?" I'll solve this inner conflict eventually.

first semester results

     laugh. laugh all u want. at least I am being honest with myself. now that is something u do not see regularly. I could not care less about what other people think.

     Alhamdulillah. He has finally granted what I wished for, that was, to pass all subjects which happened to be my main target for the whole examination. that was lame. I do not have to repeat any of the papers again so that I can focus on what I need to emphasize next semester. u know life is getting even more challenging and tougher there in the university.

     reminiscing the past. my English lecturer might be true. she once said that I am a language student type, because I loved to talk so much and then my essays got pretty lengthy (but they were actually 'empty') because of irrelevant points I gave. if that is the case then I want to be a novelist who writes fictions where I can express things I imagine. just saying. u see, what I am trying to clarify here is, it is easier for me to learn language instead of bullying myself with twisted yet complicated engineering calculations. it boggles my mind somehow, "what exactly am I doing in that technical university?". jiwa kacau.

     alright I need to stop. just want to add up posts in here because it has been a while since the last time. I am returning to Malacca tomorrow evening and my preparation is zero.

introduction to UTeM

     hey mum and dad, look at me - your last daughter has grown up now. how fast time flies - from the kindergarten, to the primary school, to the secondary school, to the National Service Training Programme, to the matriculation and now.. I'm in the university - the place where you guys are gonna meet your very last son-in-law. no-lah, I'm just kidding.

     it has been more than a month since I'm staying and studying there. and I didn't even realized it. and yeah, I got so much to tell and right now, I'm just confused about where I should begin.

     nah. let's make it short and simple. (my eyes are already tired and need to 'shut down' immediately since tomorrow morning, we Moslems, are gonna celebrate the Eid ul-Adha).

     the registration day. everything went smoothly. congratulations to the university administrations, managements, securities and everyone involved, whether directly or indirectly, in making the day possible. and.. yeah, it was the first time I met Nab, my one and only roommate in UTeM. of course, she's 19. and I'm 20. but who cares about the age gap, anyway?

     the orientation (aka Minggu Haluan Siswa). unlike back in the matriculation, the facilitators weren't that strict - thought that we're all adults now - no need to be barking mad or something, the schedules weren't that packed - gave us more time in the toilet (eh?) - but the talks, speeches and forums were goddamn boring. but hell yeah, we survived the whole week. and we students were finally able to meet our respective classmates two days before the orientation ended.

     my classmates - BMFB? oh, they're awesome people. really, they are. I remember that because of small, stupid ants that bit me during lunchtime, I was being paid attention - almost everyone looked at my funny, annoying acts, getting rid of those tiny creatures. it was painful and they kept laughing at me and it was embarrassing - but it was fated. meaning to say, that was how I made friends there.

     so I guess that's my main point. now, if you ask me, "how do you like UTeM?", then my answer would be, "there isn't a word to describe how contented I am to be there with new friends I made." and I'm brave enough to say that UTeM is the first runner up (for the-best-thing-that-ever-happened-in-my-life "competition") after the NSTP, and I'm looking forward to take it higher. if you know what I mean.

     I've joined quite a number of activities held. plus, I really am a tak-boleh-duduk-diam type of person. I'm not that athletic, I'm just active - I love to give out sweat - it makes me fit and healthy, though. these are some..

*some photos missing*

     I took these photos illegally from my friends' Facebook albums. I hope they don't mind. okay, 'till then.

p/s : Alhamdulillah. I'm now officially a SUKSIS member. after all the tests, the heartbeats and the tensity.

UTeM preparation II

     tomorrow is the day I'm gonna leave my hometown to explore a new world out there - a new life as a university student, specifically, a UTeM student. before this, I've went through lives as a regular student (unpopular, unnoticeable) in daily school which was dull and boring, as a PLKN trainee which was quite tough and challenging and as a Matric student which was tiring but fun in some ways. and I'm wondering, "how's it gonna be? is it awesome? or just fearsome?". some say that life in college isn't the same as in university. really? well how different could it be? it seems like I've to figure that one out myself.

     currently I'm about 75% ready (I've no idea how did I calculated that). most items in my shopping list have been bought. and some have not. yet. I will continue buying stuff once I'm in Malacca. I guess. and I hope they're all cheap and affordable. as for documents, I think they're all set. and clothes.. I'm genuinely lazy to deal with that right now. I know. it's crazy. but half of them are folded and are already in the giant luggage. small matter. oh darn it. my busted laptop. what am I supposed to do? and my phone is like the cikai-cikai one and there's no way to an Internet access. huwaa. such a nuisance. can I just take care of it later?

p/s : wish me all the best eh? may Allah ease everything.

UTeM preparation

     look. I don't know where to start, and I clearly don't know where to end. and if I keep typing this post like this, that'll be just a waste of time. and I've got loads and loads of things to be done - gazillion forms to be filled, supporting documents to be copied and validated, places to go, things to buy, people to meet, a fee to be paid, an SSPN-i account to be created, a Sony Xperia™ Z/ZR/ZL that needs to be possessed and etc. frankly, I can't believe that I still can't have one until today even though the price has dropped beautifully which means, I'm so sure that I can own it sooner or later by any means. in this case, dua and patience are highly required.

     what else eh? oh, I've cut my long, straight hair two days ago. and it's kinda funny that every time I went to a barbershop, the lady barber would feel a bit sorry to let my hair go. of course, I've no regrets at all - I'm happier, indeed. no more hair that goes inside of my eyes, my nostrils, my mouth or my ears. and did I mention I hate to use hair clips, hair bands and everything related? because in my opinion, they'll only make our hairs stay in place and.. yeah. well to me, that's just plain ugly.

JPJ Driving Test

     I was tested in the second session which should've started at 10.30am. well the truth is we all started at about half an hour later because of blah blah and blah. the worst part was the waiting periods. they were killing me. I'm sure you guys had that as well before right?

Ujian Mendaki Bukit

     finally my turn had arrived. my face was kinda pale and my heart rate could possibly reach 100bpm. I felt like running away. then the JPJ officer called my name. I walked sopan-santunly towards the white Kancil (the newer version) with non-stop zikr. eh wait. Kancil? this must be kidding. during lessons I used to drive Viva. being in a smaller car really forced me to deal with a momentarily 'culture shock'. the car was narrower. it got me breathless even more.

     Bismillah. dua before driving. compulsory. anything could happen even on the safest road. seat adjusted, seat belt fastened, car engine started. all these were different in some ways but I had to move on. I actually made it after the second trial. only He knew what I felt when I failed my first attempt.

Ujian Meletak Motokar Secara Masuk Belok & Ujian Pusingan Tiga Penjuru

     not long after my name again was called. after Bismillah and etc I blah blah blah the seat and the seat belt. I drove the white Kancil (again) carefully because I didn't wanna relapse the same stupid mistake that I did yesterday - because of a beautiful Iraqi girl who sat right next to me when we were on our last-day lesson, I lost control over the car and it hit so many tiang mercilessly.

     fortunately during the test He made things easy for me. of course I had asked and begged over and over again with extra fervent because I wasn't keen to start things all over. my watch isn't made from gold to exchange with cash, so you should know what I'm talking about.

Ujian Di Jalanraya

     at last the most terrifying part ever had came. honestly I wanna get rid of this part outta my head instantly and permanently. although I got the chance to drive Viva this time, the JPJ officer was a wee bit annoying. I was already mad at myself and he kept complaining about the way I drive, kept distracting me. blah blah blah. but I deserved it though. but hey. from being afraid of involving in an accident to being afraid of 'getting eaten'. I couldn't decide which one's more crucial. yet with His permission I passed my first JPJ Driving Test. Alhamdulillah.

p/s : maka berteraburlah airmata tatkala dahi mencecah ke Bumi dalam sujud syukurku..

PALAPES vs SUKSIS

PALAPES - Pasukan Latihan Pegawai Simpanan

(ROTU - Reserve Officer Training Unit)

after three years of training, will be commissioned as Second Lieutenant (Leftenan Muda).

SUKSIS - Kor Sukarelawan Siswa Siswi Polis

(Police Undergraduate Voluntary Corps)

after three years of training, will be commissioned as SUKSIS Corps Inspector (Inspektor Kor SUKSIS).

I'm a prospective student in UTeM for this September Intake.

before this, I was only interested in PALAPES.

but since it is not available in UTeM, I decided to join SUKSIS.

I love everything about military - the discipline, the uniform, the activities and all.

and I'd love to gain new experiences.

by joining this, I'll be able to fill my leisure time during weekends with advantageous stuff.

moreover, after three years of training, I'll be commissioned as SUKSIS Corps Inspector.

and that's a big achievement for a SUKSIS member.

I wanna prove that I can be a good citizen to my country.

     ..and that's all I know.

UPU result

     today was fun. I learned how to park a car. even though banyak tiang jatuh. sorry! but I think it's normal for beginners. ain't that right? and for the first time ever, I get to hold my very own L license.

     once I got home, after "Assalamualaikum..", I rushed into my room. lepas campak tudung and segala benda yang boleh dicampak, terus buka laptop.

     Bismillah, Bismillah, Bismillah. puff! and then this showed up.

*some photos missing*

     Alhamdulillah. this is it. Bachelor's Degree in Manufacturing Engineering (Engineering Materials) at Technical University of Malaysia Malacca. wah, gitu. at first, I needed somebody to slap me back and forth across the face because I couldn't believe what was in front of me. granted, this is way too much. and I'm actually very grateful. I don't mind if it's not the course I'm looking forward to take in the future, as long as it's still in my field of interest - engineering.
     but wait. there's more. does this university have PALAPES? Google. and the answer is just another sad story. but it does have SUKSIS. and I guess that'll do.

shaking and shivering

     please ignore the overacting title above. I'm freakishly emotionless for the moment. but still have my eyes wide open for that UPU thing and stuff. according to a rumour, the IPTA placement results will be out on this Thursday. means there are only two days left. if it's true.

*some photos missing*

     so what do we do? yes that's right. ask fervently from Allah swt so that we'll be placed to a place where we belong. meaning to say, if we think that we're genuinely hardworking and incredibly smart, then we shall pray for high prestige university with promising course, which suits ourselves. I mean, it's okay to be demanding. it's our future, our life. and that's the other way round. by the way, it's already Ramadhan. don't worry. Allah will  surely hear us all.

     on the other hand, I'm giving my full concentration on my driving license-making. if not, I'd probably be screaming like a maniac now because I'm oh-so terrified to find out about my UPU result. now that's the beauty of keeping our body and mind busy. and currently I'm a learner's license holder. you know, the one with the L. and tomorrow is gonna be the third day of my driving class. still suck at it. the clutch and the brake.. I don't know. I guess they just don't like me. ke aku pijak kuat sangat? nasib kaulah kan. dah memang kerja kau kena pijak. siapa suruh kau jadi clutch dengan brake pedal? dengan accelerator sekali terasa.

     harap-harap pada bulan yang mulia ni Allah lembutkan hati cikgu bila mengajar. nanti tak pasal-pasal dapat belajar bawa van jenazah free bulan puasa ni. and semoga Ramadhan kali ni lain dari bulan-bulan Ramadhan kita yang lepas - dari segi amal ibadat yang meningkat juga iman dan takwa yang semakin kukuh.

Matriculation ends

*some photos missing*

     Alhamdulillah. you must think that I'm crazy for posting this picture of embarrassment. well I don't care whether my results are excellent or not. I'll still put them in here so that I can remember and realize my potential and reputation at all time.

     call me lazy, call me anything that's related to it. because it's true. but don't ever call me stupid. because, hell yeah, I know I'm not. I'm just a little bit stubborn. and there's a fine line between stupid and stubborn.

     so what can I say about my achievement? personally I think I did good. better than last semester's result. and if you can see there's an increase in pointer. that's 0.17. not much but at least it's worth staying up all night. of course the frantic, ineffective, last-minute studying.

     and how can I be so in peace when my pointer is totally not convincing me to further studies in any of my dream courses? I take a stance, "pointer hanya di atas kertas, rezeki Allah kita tak tahu. yang penting kita usaha cari."

     I never dreamed about getting all straight A's in the final or in any big tests. the only thing that I wished for is that I pass. and that's why I am where I am today.

p/s : I do afraid of istidraj.

MUET II

*some photos missing*

     Alhamdulillah. this time me and my Matric friends who resat this test were completely on our own. our English lecturers had to keep on with the syllabus. they could only give us encouragement and that was it. in this opportunity I'd like to thank my English lecturer, Miss Noor Firdaus binti Ramli @ Yusof, for giving me knowledge, tips and tricks on how to tackle the exam questions and for teaching me to be more rational, realistic and relevant when writing, especially, argumentative essays. thank you so much. I love you and I'll surely miss you after this.

     and as for me I've did my best. but still I get lower score than before. but it's okay. I'm sure there's hikmah.

MUET

*some photos missing*

     Alhamdulillah. wasn't as expected. almost hadn't enough time answering Reading and Writing papers. for Reading I remember that I didn't read two articles. and for Writing I'm always out of the topic. for Listening I'm confident that I've did my best. and lastly for Speaking I kinda stuttered a lot in Part A but enjoyed the group discussion in Part B.

     I've decided to resit my MUET for satisfaction. wish to do better by having good timing and concentration. and good points. if I managed to reach Band 4 then it'll strengthen my qualification to go for TESL.

in love

     don't worry. don't ask me "with who?" but ask me "with what?" instead. I'm unbelievably loyal. still with that person. okay stop.

     recently my college held quite a huge event involving some of the hottest and finest universities in the country. it was Education and Career Carnival. frankly I didn't care about the event until this night where I went (just for fun. totally not serious) to NDUM talk.

     this is my new crush. I won't be putting it in here unless it has something to do with my sentimentality. I was sentimental over NS during the talk. kept thinking about it over and over again. I even thought about repeating the past.

     before this I used to have only TESL in my mind. but it faded. still there just not as strong as it was. doing engineering seems like my new interest. nothing wrong about it I guess. and I do love Physics.

     there are reasons why I wanna enter this university. firstly it's a uniform body and I love uniforms, especially military uniforms, very much. just like NS. secondly all students (cadets and civilians) are obliged to join the Reserve Officer Training Unit or PALAPES. something like the basic military training that, I believe, I can challenge and find my true self there. just like NS. thirdly the faculty of engineering is available. further Physics I'm gonna try. and many other reasons which cannot be stated.

     I've heard lots and lots of boring prejudices related to this university such as "u're gonna receive unbearable discrimination (between cadets and civilians)," "u're gonna face severe ragging," "u'll be abandoned," and etc. but I don't mind at all. because it is me who's about to further my studies and not them. nod if u agree.

sem IV

     the timetable's prettier because the schedule's better - not so tiring. still I need to give my very best shot in this final sem since my achievements in the previous semesters weren't convincing that I was working hard. hell yeah. I worked hard during the last minutes. nothing new.

*some photos missing*

     I'm having this thought right in my head now, "I should've keep those attitudes that I did once had in sem II. but where are they?". completely clueless.

NINETEENerization

July 15th, Sunday :

     my brother's birthday. it was a celebration for two since my birthday fell on Tuesday. at night we family had steamboat. thanks to the birthday guy.

*some photos missing*

July 17th, Tuesday :

     my 19th birthday. honestly I didn't wish for anything on my birthday this year. thinking that I'm grown up now. no need for a fancy birthday celebration and all that. but..

     adalah kan seorang makhluk Allah berpangkat junior ni. memang nak kena. dia dengan roommates dia arranged surprise party untuk aku. walaubagaimanapun usaha mereka tidak berjalan dengan begitu lancar kerana mereka telah menggunakan taktik serangan yang sudah sering digunapakai oleh masyarakat Malaysia sejagat yang berjeragat pada masa kini dan taktik itu sekaligus telah berjaya dihidu oleh mangsa (yakni aku) walaupun tak pasti. well adik. good try. mwahaha.

     sampai bilik tengok-tengok ada beberapa bungkusan atas meja dan sepotong kek yang masih elok di dalam bekasnya. aww.. my roommates made me touched. but boo. pretended to sleep-lah konon? yang lagi seorang dan-dan je bergayut dengan gewe. yang lagi seorang tu awal-awal dah jadi backup. mwahaha. macam-macam. but it was fun after all. I had a good time indeed. thanks to them.

*some photos missing*

     that was for the midnight story. the next day I got these.

*some photos missing*

     tak larat dah wehh. memanglah aku lahir untuk makan je kan? so I guess that's all for now. thank u sommmuch for those who remembered, wished, and celebrated my birthday. not forgetting those who attributed in gaining my weight as well. adios.

p/s : really disagree with the act of throwing food such as flour or etc to birthday girls/boys. Alhamdulillah most of my friends don't practise and disapprove this habit.

sem III

*some photos missing*

     am I too late to wish myself and my dear colleagues a "welcome back to KMPh"? well I hope not. I know it has been three weeks since the tiring registration day but.. okay let's be clear. I always had a chance to post this but I kept postponing it because I want some photos to go with it. and in this case, the timetable. can u see my greatest masterpiece above? I hope it's way better than the previous semesters' timetables.

     by the way not much I wanna share here. and by saying "I feel so different in this semester" is good enough to picture what I currently feel about myself, everyone and everything around me. I must admit that my past memories with my Matriculation-graduated friends, especially my roommates, here are killing me. it hurts a lot. now that I'm still here walking on the same path that we used to take everyday. but this time with different people. I mean how strong can I face it? I wish that this pain won't take any longer to disappear. everything I do reminds me of them. but after days and weeks passed I believe I'll grow stronger. and that's because I'm a senior. I'll leave this college either.

first year ends

*some photos missing*

     Alhamdulillah. this is the best I could do. and this is the least I could give to my parents. I hope I'm not disappointing them. and I hope I'm not letting them down. can't u see clearly? I've learnt so much from my past. I managed to make it higher. and that's a big achievement for myself though some people don't think the same. I've performed well than before. burning the midnight oil really pays off.

     by the way my parents took me out for dinner to celebrate my small improvement. it's good to be the last child of the family.

break II

     I'm back and I'm still alive. not yet dead, not yet married. as u all know this is the first time I'm typing a post for your guys reading pleasure after I finished the second semester in KMPh. now I still have two more semesters to go which also means that I'm gonna be a senior. if I'm lucky I'll get good results in the final examination and can proceed to the third semester. otherwise the college itself will kick me out. now let's just pray that will not happen okay?

     it has been 15 days since the day I left that college. how I hate farewell buddy. but luckily it wasn't as hard as during the NS farewell. those two are different in so many ways and they play great roles in affecting my emotion. perhaps I was stronger that day. but still the hardest part was when I realized that I've to separate from my roommates like forever. u guys know how it feels right? how we have spent the good times together. played with teddy bears like those who are mentally-ill, played various types of sport available at Astaka all in one evening, had Maggie as dinner during study week, talked about all the topics that we could find interesting, discussed about the hot, current issues happening in our college, got ourselves involved in some volunteering activities, and yes we shared everything possible. the secret of having a wonderful relationship with your roommates is RESPECT. and please DON'T BE CALCULATIVE.

*some photos missing*

     staying at home really taught me to be patient. I've to deal with the boredom that keeps haunting me now. life's weird. back in the college I felt like screaming my lungs out, "I wanna go home!!" but now I feel like going back there. it's true. nothing is real until it's gone. we only appreciate something after it disappears. and that's me. regretting is pointless u see?

p/s : appreciate what u have now before it's too late.