sem II

*some photos missing*

     actually there are so many things that I'd like to share here but somehow the Internet connection got me on my nerve.
     firstly the final examination results were out on Tuesday December 6th. my results were nothing to be proud of but deep inside of me I'm very grateful that I at least were given a chance to fix all the mistakes I've made. everything happens for a reason and I'm still searching for it.
     secondly it's about friends. in this semester some of my friends have quit from this Matriculation programme and grabbed the SPA offer including one of my roommates. well I hope that they'll do the best they can. I'll pray for them. on the other hand I got a new friend in my class. she's an ex one-year programme student. she knows a lot and I think I can learn from her.
     thirdly for the first time ever my residential college, Block C2, held quite a grand event involving all members of the block. it was an activity where we played variety of games aka sukaneka. me and my roommates acted as volunteers and yes we had fun that day.
     now I'm home enjoying my short holiday. will be back to college on Sunday since I got Chemistry lecture to catch at night. so long.


     and yes finally the battle's over. the final examination. about the results I leave it all to Him. for the first time ever in my life I hadn't enough time answering all the questions in most papers. so stupid that I failed to manage the time given. but what's passed is past.

to-do list :
1. stay at home and be a good girl
2. wait for my hair to grow long
3. eat as much as possible (wonder why is it so hard for me to gain weight?)

     will miss..

*some photos missing*

out of country

     didn't update my blog for about a month since I went to visit my sister in UK. because of some unavoidable issues I refuse to tell much about what I did or what I saw throughout the trip. it's enough for me to say, "I should've had a good time there" and "the place is beautiful with stupid people." no offense but these are what I thought.
     back to college. one of the things that I missed the most. I was burdened with lots and lots of problems. one was when I found out that my leave application was actually rejected which, to be precise, I just knew when I was on my 1st or 2nd day there. it was hard for me when a lecturer told me that the leave can be considered as a truancy. and yet it was complicated when the person (another lecturer) who was entrusted to give me the disapproval letter claimed that she had given it to me earlier. I swear I never met her before until I got back to college. but now the problem has been resolved. a big thank to my father for the swift act. he talked to the Senior Student Affairs Officer.
     some other problems are regarding academic. I've missed so many practicals, tutorials and lectures which cover so many subtopics with so many overwhelming facts to be memorized. need to cover syllabus, complete abundant assignments and etc. hell no I'm gonna give up now. not yet until I reach the very end of this Matriculation programme.
     so not much photos. I was missing Malaysia terribly. I also deleted the photos when we were in  'Paghee' (Paris).

*some photos missing*


sem I

*some photos missing*

     finally. the orientation is over. learning session has just begun. two days later than the one-year programme students. quite tiring though. but I believe not as much as them. keep rushing to finish the syllabus. I'm feeling lucky to be a two-year programme student even though the learning period is longer. I guess we're able to obtain more detailed facts and important information from the lecturers. still there's a lot to learn. now I'm putting my glasses on and start learning.

introduction to KMPh

     firstly I'd like to apologize. I ran out of time to post "Matric preparation III" which should be about my final preparation before I reported to KMPh. well not much. just shopped and packed everything that was necessary. but still not enough. and that's why I came back home. I'm grateful to be issued to a place that's very near to my house. Kuantan to Gambang takes approximately 20 minutes.
     I can say that it was the craziest orientation week I've ever went through so far. tak pernah lagi rasanya tahan mengantuk tahap kronik. just imagine. we had to wake up at paling lewat pun 4.00am. bathroom issue. then berkumpul at 5.00am. lambat denda. for those yang tak uzur ke surau. surau dia besar gila macam masjid. for those yang ehem-ehem terus ke dewan kuliah dengar tazkirah. as for me the whole week pergi dewan kuliah. kalau best sanggup tahan mata. kalau kurang manfaatkan masa dengan sebaiknya untuk produce tahi mata. tett. habis. breakfast. awkward gila. before this, in camp for instance, just ambil tray - beratur - ambil makanan - duduk - ngap. now ambil pinggan  - beratur - ambil je apa nak - beratur lagi - bayar - duduk - ngap. perut kenyang badan bulat. habis. then adalah aktiviti-aktiviti dia such as taklimat, ceramah and etc until 12.30pm. aku yang dulu putih mengalahkan mat salleh kena albino pun boleh hitam kena masak tengah panas. rest until 2.30pm. kerja aku merayap jelah with my ehem-ehemic friend sekitar area kolej tu. compound dia luas yang amat. boleh sesat anytime je. orang obesiti pun silap-silap haribulan boleh masuk Next Top Model. then sambung aktiviti blablabla. 5.00pm stop for riadah. err. riadahlah sangat. aku tak pernah tahu pun kena jemur tengah panas tu dianggap sebagai riadah. then 6.00pm (sometimes 6.30pm) get ready for Maghrib. macam tadilah. either surau or dewan kuliah. habis. pergi main hall for blablabla. habis. roll-call. 11.30pm light off.
     personally I was quite unsure of myself. boleh ke aku buat ni? boleh ke aku buat tu? boleh ke aku survive hidup kat sini? and macam-macam lagilah persoalan yang membuat aku keluh-kesah, resah-gelisah dan gundah-gulana. but after several talks, speeches and forums involving successful former students kat situ, aku rasa tak sabar nak start class and rasa tamak nak berjaya. err. tak salah kan? I do believe this, "berbekalkan doa dan restu ibu bapa, harapan dan impian yang tinggi, azam dan usaha yang berterusan, semua ini pasti akan mendapat keberkatan dan kerahmatan-Nya, Allah Yang Maha Esa." insya-Allah, kejayaan itu akan dikurniakan kepada kita. amin.
     so what now? I'll be going back to college on Sunday before 6.00pm. make a list, buy everything that's in the list, throw away the list. done.

Matric preparation II

     yesterday again with my father I went to BSN to settle the college fee. surprisingly located less than a kilometre from my house. saw a future collegemate there. I knew it when I accidentally listened to his mother and the officer conversation. I heard something like "Matrik Pahang". it's okay if I misheard. it won't bother me at all.
     happy that the payment slip's in hand. we rushed to Bank Islam for the ATM card. not many people this time. guess I'm the only one who're doing the last-minute preparation.
     post office was our semifinal destination. bought two revenue stamps. each costs RM10. wonder what makes it so unreasonable. luckily I was quite wealthy. just paid anything necessary without grumbling too much.
     lastly to Double A Stationary Shop. made several copies of the offer letter, agreement letter and the payment slip. job's done. wait for another chapter of hectic. coming soon.

Matric preparation

     yesterday I spent most of my time with my father. not for some lovely father and daughter things like shopping and all that but to settle my Matriculation stuff. first we went to Pahang State Foundation to claim for RM500. I never knew that Pahang Government would be kind and generous enough to give away such vast sums of money to SPM leavers who got a place in IPTA. before I got the cash I first needed to complete a form. I only presented the offer letter without any other documents. so we left without the money.
     then we headed to Bank Islam. it was crowded with people and some of them had just the same idea like me. wanted to create an account. among many other Matriculation colleges only KMPh requires its students to have a Bank Islam account and I'm not sure why. perhaps only Bank Islam is available in Gambang. anyway the bank does have a lot to offer. we're able to check our current balance, pay numerous kinds of bill and top-up directly from our mobile phones. but only one thing isn't settled yet at the bank. the ATM card. the bank authority couldn't produce any ATM card because they're currently offline. so we need to come back later.
     after several hours at home collecting documents that needed to be copied plus had lunch and etc we went to a photo shop in MARA Building to copy documents and make my passport photo to be attached to the previous form mentioned.
     next we went to Pahang Federal Building where my father used to work. there we met my father's friend who works as a doctor as well as the Chief Assistant Director. he was asked to be the witness. while my father helped him with the papers he gave me some piece of mind. knowing that I'm taking Science course. acknowledging that my sister's studying abroad in medics. I just nodded and said "insya-Allah" repetitively.
     lastly we got back to the Foundation. filled another form. before the envelope in which the cash was in met its owner, the officer asked with a smile, "dapat Matrik je ke dik?". I just smiled. "rasanya kalau dapat lain (universiti) tak pergi dah Matrik ni kan?". why? what's wrong about studying in Matric? firstly she made me a bit confused. then she got me misunderstood. and I decided to care less.
     now I got the money. and it'll be used to pay the fee. totally relieved.

Matriculation offer

*some photos missing*

Program Dua Tahun
     I was like, "what? dua tahun!? oh no. give me a break. there goes my teenhood."

     again I was like, "what? Science!? oh no. I'm not sure if I can still continue in this."

Kolej Matrikulasi Pahang
     again and again I was like, "what? KMPh!? oh no. why so near? please send me further."

23 Mei 2011
     again, again and again I was like, "what? May 23rd!? oh hell no. why so soon? it means I'm home for only another 24 days."

     great. the next thing that I wished for is I was dead.

p/s : I should be grateful. I know.

SPM results

     Alhamdulillah. I got two A, one A-, three B+, one C+, two C and one D. now I'd like to congratulate those who've achieved excellent results. and for those who didn't get satisfactory results like me don't worry. as long as we live there are still hopes. but hoping is not enough. we mustn't ever give up. keep struggling to make our parents proud. that's my new spirit.
     talking about myself I regret that my dearest friends and I didn't have much time to spend for each other. one needed to go home immediately right after the results announcement, one needed to attend special event and etc. only a few left. then we went to a nearby restaurant and had our lunch there. sort of. it was fun to meet them after all. even though for short.

it's me in the green circle

     taken from Utusan Malaysia.

p/s : I'm thinking of UPSI. I'm thinking of TESL. I'm thinking of being an English teacher/lecturer. am I qualified enough? I only got A for English and not A+. pity.

PLKN story II

     I'm not gonna talk much so here are a few things that I won't ever forget :

- I was attacked by a severe seafood allergy that turned my eyes red and swollen two times and was sent to medic for injection. thank Allah I'm alive.
- both my legs got kicked by some female trainers because I didn't stand correctly during line up but that was in the first two weeks. now I'm good at it.
- my left shoulder and my right knee got bruised because we played rough in DKRT game. it was painful to be thrown to the ground.
- again my right knee became a victim during Kembara Halangan when I accidentally fell at the second obstacle. the bruised part was cut and got even worse.
- my right hand fingers got knocked several times by the same female trainers because I couldn't salute properly. I guess my fingers are naturally crooked.
- I suddenly fell on the drill field during training and got my nose bled and it swelled for about a week. then I was able to pinch my nose like usual after a fortnight.

     frankly I'm not mad at them for doing such things to me. gaining knowledge could be two. in easy way and in hard way. being a trainee has taught me about life, about independence and so on. the hardest part was during farewell. I believe everyone in this world knows how it feels being through separation and I'm still adapting myself at home. it feels quiet now. no more voices giving drill commands every morning and every time we had to assemble. no more trainers to guide and scold us every time we misbehaved. no more laughter inside and outside of the dormitory compound. no more PT sepuluh. no more fun and tears that could be shared. no more. what's left are memories. the best thing ever happened in my life.

*some photos missing*

     damn I miss camp.

PLKN story

     today is February 3rd. I arrived on the first day of the month. two days I ignored this laptop. I was busy arranging the garments and whatsoever in my gigantic bag and in my cupboard. still I feel like dreaming to be home. by the way I'd like to wish all Chinese worldwide a Happy Chinese New Year.
     I'm very pleased to tell u about my life as a NS trainee. even though it has just been a month but I've picked up a lot of invaluable knowledge. the knowledge that's less taught in school which is more on character building mainly self-confidence. now to make it briefer and clearer as well as less confusing and easier to understand I'll tell u in note form instead.

my identity :
name : Nadzirah binti Abdul Rahman
nickname : Nad
dorm : 5P
company : Charlie
classes : CB3, BK3 and KN3
PLKN : Group 1, Series 8/2011, Kem Latihan Cheneh Cemerlang, Kemaman

these are the epaulettes

this is me wearing them

general :
- we, NS trainees, call each other by using our nicknames.
- the trainers address male trainees as Wira and female trainees as Wirawati.
- there are seven dorms for both Wiras and Wirawatis (1L-7L and 1P-7P).
- there are four major groups called companies (Alpha Company, Bravo Company, Charlie Company and Delta Company).
- there are six classes for Character Building (CB1-CB6). in CB two modules are learned and then we proceeded to the third module named Budaya Kerja or Working Culture (BK1-BK6).
- there are fifteen classes for Kenegaraan or Civilization (KN1-KN15).
- we eat six times a day and I think this is crazy.
- we wake up at 5 in the morning and take a shower with the ice cold water and I think this is super crazy.

personal :
- initially I was selected by the dorm members to hold the post as the Dorm Head but it was then. a Wira/Wirawati is not allowed to hold more than one position at a time.
- then I was elected by the company members to hold the post as the Head of Charlie Company for Wirawati. for your info this is my first time being a leader for such a huge organisation. I must wear epaulettes on both shoulders when wearing class and celoreng garments.
- I was relieved for not being the Dorm Head. the responsibility is too overwhelming but I was wrong. day after day I realized that the responsibility as the Head of Company is fairly more difficult.
- all dorm 5P members are under Charlie Company and the rest comes from 3P and 6P.

*some photos missing*

     they are my strength. thanks guys for willing to cooperate with your defenseless leader. although some of u are deadly stubborn.

future Wirawati

     tomorrow morning. gather at Stadium Darul Makmur then take a bus to the 'jungle'. so this post is gonna be the last one until I come back. wonder if I ever come back. I hope so. please do pray for my safety and health okay? that's if u wanna see me again.
     now I've all kinds of feeling. super excited, nervous, worried and scared. wait. I'm not scared of anything. what's there to be scared of? the place? the people? the activities? myself? well just a bit for myself. scared of being punished. u know I'm always late in everything. never been the first one who arrives and etc. but I know I can take good care of myself. I'm grown-up now remember? and I'll learn something there.
     so before I leave I want all of u, no matter who u are to me, to take care of yourselves. because u know u got someone who loves u and that person is me. so long Kuantan.

p/s : I'm not gonna cry a tear for anybody. except my mum. I guess.


     what's so great about celebrating the New Year? it seems meaningless to me. by the way is it compulsory to have a new year's resolution? now I find this as an interesting life motivation. so what's mine? I refuse to make a new one since I failed to give any commitment in my last years' resolutions. I'm afraid that it won't work. perhaps it's not wrong to have one small new determination for a problematic person like me. never been serious in things I do. so again. what's mine?

I don't wanna be nice to people anymore

     now this one's easier. and if u ask me why then the answer would be because I'm just too tired of being hurt. it may be negative for others but it's super positive for myself. I won't get hurt anymore. and u please stop being so hurtful. u may find me a bit self-centered after this. but like I care? I did once hurt. no. I hurt for so many times. it was because of my own stupidity. I was like giving my everything for someone who didn't appreciate, love and care about me, or should I say, "someone whom I shouldn't love dearly"? can't describe how stupid I was. but now it's gonna be a whole new thing.

p/s : learn to love Allah, our parents and ourselves with the most heart first. if the love we give can no longer be denied then we can start to love the rest.